This blog entry may be a little sad/negative, so I do apologise in advance, but I feel like I have to write this all down.
Today I missed uni…again. I have been suffering with anxiety/depression recently, which is becoming more noticeable now. I am currently at the point where the thought of going into university everyday is, not terrifying, but almost impossible to comprehend. I have spoken to a couple of my friends at uni about how I’ve been feeling, but I’m not very close to them, and feel that they don’t fully understand or comprehend what I am actually going through or feeling. I have tried talking to them about it again today, but I can’t seem to get them to talk to me about it, and am feeling very lonely right now, which only makes my anxiety worse! 😦
The thought of going to university tomorrow fills me with dread and I feel like I want to cry. This is also made worse by the fact that uni are piling on more and more work in the coming months, and will have us studying over Christmas which I personally think is pretty unfair – especially since they told us that we would have nothing to worry about until our first exam (which is at the end of January), and that we could have a nice easy Christmas break. Since then, they have given us more and more work to do though, including one presentation before Christmas, a presentation 4 days after we come back after Christmas, and a 5500 word essay! I know I have to try and force myself to go in, but it is extremely difficult.
I try to keep telling myself that I will be driving home for Christmas (“driving home for Christmas, oh I can’t wait to see those faces”) next Thursday (19th). I cannot wait for that day!!
I haven’t been to the doctor yet about my anxiety/depression yet, for fear of being put on medication which I’m keen to avoid, but i do plan to go see them after the Christmas holidays.
Oh, in other news, I sadly did not get the job I was interviewed for 😦 So the job hunt continues! But I’m also putting that on hold until after the Christmas holidays. I don’t think Christmas is the best time to search for a job.
I am thinking of starting a vlog soon, somewhere else for me to vent and get out my feelings, and hopefully reach out to people going through similar things to myself! So stay posted if you’d like to follow my vlog when I start 🙂
I think that is all I am going to say for tonight. I’m sorry it wasn’t a very upbeat and exciting post, but I just needed to get this off my chest and at least feel like I was talking to someone! Thanks for reading guys! x