Growing Up!

Do you ever think back to when you were much younger, in school playing with your friends and learning how to spell, with not a care in the world? Well, I have been doing this a lot lately, and can’t help but wonder why.

When I was younger (or when we were younger), I was always so keen to become an adult – being old enough to drink, buy a lottery ticket and other such fun things(!). But now, having lived as a grown up for at least 12 years (give or take), I wonder why I was in such a rush!

My boyfriend and I moved into our first rented home together in October last year. Whilst this has been a fantastic time for us both, it has also brought to light what being a grown up really means i.e. freedom, responsibility, stress.

We are both in full-time jobs earning a decent wage, yet every month we barely have enough money to be able to enjoy the freedom that being a grown up brings. We could be going out for dinner, to the cinema, or just for a drink somewhere, but instead we have to check what money we have available until the next pay day. What’s worse, is that we both work long hours, and don’t see too much of each other throughout the week and so once again we don’t have that opportunity to spend quality time together. Of course, the time where we do see each other is made special since it does not happen too often.

Growing up also has a lot of heartache along the way. Who would have thought that finding love could be so soul-destroying. When I was 16, I was convinced that I had found the love of my life, the man I was going to marry. Better yet, he felt the same way, and when we were 17, he proposed to me. I could not have been happier! But, less than a year later, out of the blue, I had my heart well and truly broken/stamped on/crushed when the love of my life no longer wanted to be with me. I never realised how much one person could hurt me, and affect my confidence and insecurities so much. That was 10 years ago, and that hurt has stuck with me since then. Despite the fact that I am extremely happy in my current relationship, I still always have a nagging doubt in my head that I am going to be hurt again, that I will suddenly not be good enough and that he will decide to leave me. Maybe that’s something I should seek help about, I don’t know. But the fact remains, that first rejection has, and probably will always stick with me, whether I want it to or not.

Now, to end this post, I should really talk about some of the positive points of growing up!! One of the best moments of growing up was passing my driving test and getting a car of my own. No one can describe the amazing feeling of being able to have so much more freedom in your life – not having to rely on your parents to drive you places. Just grab your keys and go! This has to be one of the best parts of growing up!

Being independent. I first moved out of my parents home when I was 25. I went off to university a couple of hundred miles away, and had so many different emotions about making the move. Could I cope living away from home/how would I cope financially/what if I didn’t make any new friends? This was a great experience for me! I loved the feeling of being independent, not having to answer to anyone if I wanted to pop out and eat whatever I wanted without anyone breathing down my neck. I made so many fantastic friends whilst I was at uni, and had an absolute ball. I ended up moving back home after, until I could get myself a job and afford a place of my own. When I first moved back home, I would never have expected to meet my partner so soon after moving back. And now, we have our own place (rented for the moment), and I absolutely love it. My family aren’t too far away, which I really love. I am a big family girl, and would not want to be too far from my family, so this place is perfect! We live with my partner’s two dogs, which again has been an experience for me – being responsible for my own animals. I had pets when I was younger. but of course I always had the help of my parents, whereas now it’s solely up to us! We hope to be able to get a mortgage some day and have a home that we can actually call our own, but for the time being this is our perfect little home.

Growing up is a rollercoaster of emotions. I can only hope that as the years go on, I learn how to deal with the highs and lows, and grow as a person too.


Job Hunting Frustration

Hi everyone!

I promised a blog post today, and it may be a little bit late, but here it is!

As you can see from the title of this post, I am having a very frustrating time when it comes to job hunting. I have applied for soooooo many jobs now, and I can’t even begin to describe how soul destroying it is when you hear nothing back from these places. I know that most companies have too many applications to deal with, but it really would be nice to at least have a final yes or no. I’ve never really found it difficult to get a job before, and I do have a lot of skills and experience which have always gone in my favour, but this time it is becoming a bit of a chore! But, I am trying to keep positive, and I’m carrying out job searches and applying for several jobs every single day, so something will come up soon I am sure of it 🙂

Speaking of positive thinking, I have noticed that so many people have been suffering in January from the winter blues. My family have seemed so miserable, and the negative thinking I am around every day can get quite hard to bare at times. I try to be a positive person, and keep myself upbeat, but when you are surrounded so much by negativity from family and friends (and an anxiety disorder on top of that), it really does rub off on you! I try to do what I can to help, whether it’s just helping out around the house, or treating my parents to a little something – literally a “little” something, as I’m out of work right now! 🙂 I also try to keep my own space, my bedroom looking as nice as I can, keeping it colourful and happy. I feel like this makes me relax a lot more when I’m in my room and can actually help with my anxiety a bit too.

On another rather random topic, I have to comment on a show I watched tonight for the first time – Cheapskates. I am very much a believer in saving money where you can – times are hard right now and I totally understand that… however, that show took being a cheapskate to a whole new level! I sometimes comment on the fact that my dad and granddad are cheapskates – they don’t like to fork out a lot of money to get better quality items, and in return they end up with something cheap that will not last. But that is like talking to a brick wall! But this show, involved a woman who had one lightbulb in her home….1 bulb! Which she would carry from room to room, to save on electricity. She would turn the TV off during commercials, used the dishwasher to “cook” a lasagne…words fail me. I think the thing that got to me most was that none of these people were broke – they all had decent jobs with a good wage coming in – one woman was in fact a millionaire! Yet they all went to these extreme measures to avoid spending money. Each to their own and all that, but surely there comes a point where you just can’t be enjoying life to the fullest when you are worrying so much about money. Sometimes you just have to say “life is too short” and stop worrying about the little things! (Yeah, makes total sense coming from the girl who would worry about every little thing she can think of!!!)

But hey, that’s just my opinion, and if these people are enjoying their lives and are happy, then who am I to say anything about it 🙂

Oh, before I end this blog post, I just want to do a little mention of someone who I admire so much!! If you haven’t heard of her, her name is Tanya Burr – she is a fantastic YouTuber/beauty guru/person in general. Anyway, the lovely Tanya has just launched a range of nail polishes and lip glosses which are available on Feel – I was so excited for these products to be released, and knew they were going to be fantastic because Tanya is just so passionate about everything she does! The colours are just stunning, and I cannot wait for my purchases to come!! So if you haven’t already seen her videos, please YouTube Tanya Burr and have a browse – she’s such a lovely, cheery person, and will surely put a smile on your face if nothing else 🙂

So with that, I am going to end this post, this very random post! I will try to be more organised next week, and not leave a longer spell in between my blog posts again 🙂

Goodnight all 🙂 xox