Do you ever think back to when you were much younger, in school playing with your friends and learning how to spell, with not a care in the world? Well, I have been doing this a lot lately, and can’t help but wonder why.
When I was younger (or when we were younger), I was always so keen to become an adult – being old enough to drink, buy a lottery ticket and other such fun things(!). But now, having lived as a grown up for at least 12 years (give or take), I wonder why I was in such a rush!
My boyfriend and I moved into our first rented home together in October last year. Whilst this has been a fantastic time for us both, it has also brought to light what being a grown up really means i.e. freedom, responsibility, stress.
We are both in full-time jobs earning a decent wage, yet every month we barely have enough money to be able to enjoy the freedom that being a grown up brings. We could be going out for dinner, to the cinema, or just for a drink somewhere, but instead we have to check what money we have available until the next pay day. What’s worse, is that we both work long hours, and don’t see too much of each other throughout the week and so once again we don’t have that opportunity to spend quality time together. Of course, the time where we do see each other is made special since it does not happen too often.
Growing up also has a lot of heartache along the way. Who would have thought that finding love could be so soul-destroying. When I was 16, I was convinced that I had found the love of my life, the man I was going to marry. Better yet, he felt the same way, and when we were 17, he proposed to me. I could not have been happier! But, less than a year later, out of the blue, I had my heart well and truly broken/stamped on/crushed when the love of my life no longer wanted to be with me. I never realised how much one person could hurt me, and affect my confidence and insecurities so much. That was 10 years ago, and that hurt has stuck with me since then. Despite the fact that I am extremely happy in my current relationship, I still always have a nagging doubt in my head that I am going to be hurt again, that I will suddenly not be good enough and that he will decide to leave me. Maybe that’s something I should seek help about, I don’t know. But the fact remains, that first rejection has, and probably will always stick with me, whether I want it to or not.
Now, to end this post, I should really talk about some of the positive points of growing up!! One of the best moments of growing up was passing my driving test and getting a car of my own. No one can describe the amazing feeling of being able to have so much more freedom in your life – not having to rely on your parents to drive you places. Just grab your keys and go! This has to be one of the best parts of growing up!
Being independent. I first moved out of my parents home when I was 25. I went off to university a couple of hundred miles away, and had so many different emotions about making the move. Could I cope living away from home/how would I cope financially/what if I didn’t make any new friends? This was a great experience for me! I loved the feeling of being independent, not having to answer to anyone if I wanted to pop out and eat whatever I wanted without anyone breathing down my neck. I made so many fantastic friends whilst I was at uni, and had an absolute ball. I ended up moving back home after, until I could get myself a job and afford a place of my own. When I first moved back home, I would never have expected to meet my partner so soon after moving back. And now, we have our own place (rented for the moment), and I absolutely love it. My family aren’t too far away, which I really love. I am a big family girl, and would not want to be too far from my family, so this place is perfect! We live with my partner’s two dogs, which again has been an experience for me – being responsible for my own animals. I had pets when I was younger. but of course I always had the help of my parents, whereas now it’s solely up to us! We hope to be able to get a mortgage some day and have a home that we can actually call our own, but for the time being this is our perfect little home.
Growing up is a rollercoaster of emotions. I can only hope that as the years go on, I learn how to deal with the highs and lows, and grow as a person too.